


Lifeline

by Kantkissneverclean



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst and Feels, F/F, Fire, Fluff and Angst, all the feels, baths, first I love yous, kara cries but lena is there to help her, this changes their relationship, uhh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-13
Updated: 2017-07-13
Packaged: 2018-12-01 11:31:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11485512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kantkissneverclean/pseuds/Kantkissneverclean
Summary: “Alex,” she breathed out like it was her last breath. Begging to be forgiven so she could return to Rao without guilt, without remorse.“Kara you did the best you could,” Alex tried to offered her soothing words but her younger sister  flinched away from her touch. Alex wanted to reassure her there was nothing more she could do but Kara knew there was always more she could have done. She could have been faster, noticed more, done more, saved more. For the first time since she became Supergirl, Kara felt like she was not worthy of crest the she wore.  She did not deserve the forgiving nature of the person who knew her best. It felt to much like pitty.“I can’t,” Kara whispered out before she took off flying anywhere that wasn’t here. Before long she settled on the outside balcony of the only person in the past few months, she felt safe with.





	Lifeline

_“Alex,” she breathed out like it was her last breath. Begging to be forgiven so she could return to Rao without guilt, without remorse._

 

_“Kara you did the best you could,” Alex tried to offered her soothing words but her younger sister flinched away from her touch. Alex wanted to reassure her there was nothing more she could do but Kara knew there was always more she could have done. She could have been faster, noticed more, done more, saved more. For the first time since she became Supergirl, Kara felt like she was not worthy of crest the she wore.  She did not deserve the forgiving nature of the person who knew her best. It felt to much like pity._

 

_“I can’t,” Kara whispered out before she took off flying anywhere that wasn’t here. Before long she settled on the outside balcony of the only person in the past few months, she felt safe with._

 

Kara stood on the balcony in front of Lena’s apartment. She could see Lena sitting all curled up on her bed reading the book she had recommended the CEO the other day. Yesterday. _Yesterday_ felt like such a foreign place compared to where she was right now surrounded by stale air and the lingering hints of smoke and ash.

 

_“Supergirl, come in Supergirl!” she could hear Alex yell at her through her coms but she couldn’t leave. She had to stay. Cat Grant needed her. At least that’s what she told herself. In reality Snapper was yelling at her for messing up something, quote ‘a dog could do’. Kara may have forgotten to write down all the notes from the meeting earlier today that Snapper had missed. She had been distracted, by what she could not tell you. It had been a long week of fight after fight after fight. The emotional and physicality were catching up on her._

 

_It was an honest mistake._

 

_“A MISTAKE?! Danvers a mistake is forgetting to fill the coffee in the morning and your wife tells you off. A MISTAKE is thinking your kids soccer game is at nine instead of eight! This is not a mistake! This is reporter negligence!” It went on like this for what felt like hours and Kara couldn’t do anything to stop it._

 

_It was a full ten minutes after Alex had called for her that she finally was able to leave._

 

Lena looked so peaceful, so quiet and unknowingly aware of what lay ahead. Would Lena even want to explore whatever was going on between them is she knew what Kara had done?

 

If Kara could go back to any point in time it wouldn’t be when she was a young girl on Krypton nor the first time she and Alex actually sat in a room without bickering nor the time she first saw earth in all its glory. No, Kara would go back to the time she first kissed Lena Luthor. She would relieve the joyful kind of anxiety leading up to the moment she had wait forever for.  Would happily revisit the nervous ball of mess and words she was all over again if it meant she didn’t feel what she felt now. Like a monster.

 

_“I’m here Alex! What do you need me to do?” Kara flew in the air as fast as she could breaking the sound barrier as she listened to Alex in her ear. She wondered why Alex wasn't giving her the nth degree on not getting out of Catco sooner._

 

 _“Apartment fire down on Main. That new fireball alien started it. We need you to make sure everyone gets out. J’onn and I are trying to track him down.”_  
  
  


_“Are you sure you don’t need me to help you catch him?”_  
  
  


_“The firefighters could really use you help. There are close to a hundred people in that apartment and they can’t get all of them out in time.”_

 

_“Okay, I’m on it.” Kara flew to the place Alex told her and all she saw was orange flames._

 

Rain started to pour down as lighting flashed across the sky. Kara could faintly see her reflection in the window, but the person she saw and the person who was outside were not the same.

 

_The whole building had been engulfed like nothing she had ever seen before. When a firefighter saw Supergirl she told her there was a couple on the top floor that wouldn’t leave and the rest of the firefighters were still trying to get people out. Half the build was still inside._

 

_Kara flew to the top to find an old couple on the bed and she took them both out and to the paramedics. They yelled at her that there pictures were still in there so she went back and got them. Kara repeated this action over and over and over again. But she knew she wasn’t moving fast enough._

 

Would Lena ever forgive her? Would Lena ever be able to see past the fear inside Kara’s heart? What they had was still so fragile, so new. Would this night change them? _Rao_ , Kara thought, _I hope not_.  

 

_The building started to collapse with a few dozen left inside. She worked faster trying to get everyone out but she wasn’t fast enough. There were two firefighters left inside. She managed to get them out when her heard a woman yell out “MY SON! MY SON! He’s still inside!”_

 

_Kara saw the look of panic and loss hit the firefighter’s faces before she flew off as they told her not to go. “The building was too unstable.” “Even a superhero can get injured.”  Kara was Supergirl and Supergirl would do anything to make sure a family stayed together and that everyone was safe no matter what._

 

_She flew in through the seventh floor and scanned the building to see if anyone was left. Kara couldn’t see anything below her but above she saw something move. A small figure, a kid who couldn’t have been older than ten. She moved as fast as she could but the building was collapsing. The walls around her were falling and pipes were bursting. The fire grew flames licking at her boots._

 

_When she managed to reach the floor the boy was on the floor above them fell. Kara tried to use her freeze breath to stop the encroaching flames from reaching them but it wasn’t working on a fire of this size. She could hear the faint screaming of the boy’s mother outside and people trying to comfort her to no avail._

 

_The fallen floor added to the rubble Kara had to move to reach the child. She lifted a bed and cabinet out of the way trying to avoiding the way she planned to escape. They were too big to throw without out causing more damage. As for the chairs and sections of the wall she threw them behind her shattering them into dust.  In her haste she knocked down walls and doors finally reaching the boy. That's when everything around her seemed to slow down._

 

_What she saw was something that rivaled anything she had seen before. The small boy laid under a section of the wall, arms splayed out trying unsuccessfully to move the heavy wall off of himself. Upon further inspection his legs were at funny angles and breathing was too shallow._

 

 _Kara’s only thought was_ get him out. _She knew he was not strong enough to move the wall, She knew he most likely was hang on by a thread desperate for a lifeline that she could not fully give him. Moving as fast as she could she lifted the wall of the boy and took him in her arms holding him close. He started coughing up blood. His lungs were most likely filled with smoke._

 

_The boy looked up at a woman dressed in blue and red wearing a symbol of hope. A symbol he had on his chest as well. “Supergirl,” he choked out which through him into a coughing fit._

 

_“Hey buddy it’s going to be alright. I got you.” Kara new better than to tell this boy the truth. He was dying. At least he dies in the arms of his hero but she didn’t feel much like a hero now._

 

_Clutching the kid to her chest she flew gently down to the ground as his mother rushed to the paramedics to meet them. Kara carefully laid the boy on the stretcher holding his hand as he looked at her then his mother._

 

_“ADEN” HIs mother yelled as she reached him holding his little face in her hands._

_“Mom,” the boy, Aden, whispered moving his eyes to take one last look at the hero who saved him and smiled. “Mom,” he said again looking at his mother as he took his last breath. The paramedics pushed them both out of the way to try and revive him. There was no such luck._

 

_His mother looked from her son to Supergirl. Moving around the stretcher to her son's hero, her hero, she wrapped Supergirl in a tight hug and whispered “thank you.”_

 

Thank you _. Why would she say thank you to her? Her son, Aden, is dead because of her. Because she couldn’t get here fast enough, was unfocused. She was too busy by her reporting job to save this woman's little boy, her world. She was no hero. Hero’s don’t let children die in their arms._

 

_“He loved you, my boy. Said he wanted to be just like you, a hero.” The mother told her taking a step back and moving her hands to hold Supergirls. “You are what made him want to be a policeman.” the older woman paused looking at their joined hands then back at Supergirl “Thank you for bringing Aden back to me.” With that the woman let go of her hands and turned back to her son._

 

_A firefighter came up behind Supergirl patting her on the back, thanking her for her help and said that she was good to leave if someone else needed her help. Nodding at the nice firefighter she took off into the night landing at the DEO._

 

_She walked to the center of the room to debrief like always when out of nowhere Alex walks up and touches her shoulder causing Kara to flinch._

 

_J’onn walks in and congratulates everyone on a job well done. Kara could barely make out any of what is being said. “Nice job today…. Saved…. Lots….did your best….” But did she really do her best? If she was there sooner Aden might still be alive. If she just paid attention Aden might still be alive._

 

_“Kara,” Alex whispered once everyone dispersed to go home, “are you okay?” The concern in her voice was noticeable. Looking at her baby sister all she could see was sadness and guilt and something else that was not Kara._

 

_“Alex,” she breathed out like it was her last breath. Begging to be forgiven so she could return to Rao without guilt, without remorse._

 

_“Kara you did the best you could,” Alex tried to offered her soothing words but her younger sister flinched away from her touch. Alex wanted to reassure her there was nothing more she could do but Kara knew there was always more she could have done. She could have been faster, noticed more, done more, saved more. For the first time since she became Supergirl, Kara felt like she was not worthy of crest the she wore.  She did not deserve the forgiving nature of the person who knew her best. It felt too much like pity._

 

_“I can’t,” Kara whispered out before she took off flying anywhere that wasn’t here. Before long she settled on the outside balcony of the only person in the past few months, she felt safe with._

 

Now here she was standing in front of the only person who was unconnected from all of it. Unconnected to the DEO, to CatCo, to everything that made her Supergirl. _Oh, Rao,_ did Kara not feel super.

 

Kara had been meaning to have lunch with Lena sometime this week but work got in the way. They still texted but nothing made Kara feel better than seeing the caring brunette in person.

 

Lena looked so peaceful in the soft light pouring out of the room as she read. Before she knew it Lena was shuffling out of her room slowly wiping the tired out of her eyes and looks up to see the blond hovering slightly outside on the balcony.

 

Seeing Kara brought a smile to Lena’s face but the smile faded the closer she got. Opening the door Lena saw guilt in the hero's eyes. It’s something she can’t remember ever seeing before. Their eyes held each other for a long silently moment as Lena took a good look at the blond. Her hair was stuck to her neck and soot and ash covered her suit was unable to be cleaned off by the rain.

 

“Kara, come in. What's wrong?” Lena moved over to the side to let Kara in. The blond didn’t respond to the question. Her gaze was distant and blank.

 

Lena took Kara’s hand and led her to the master bathroom to clean up. “I am going to grab you some dry clothes. Can you take off your suit?” Kara shook her head in the affirmative and Lena moved passed her to fill the tube with some warm water.

 

When Lena tried to leave the bathroom she was stopped by a hand around her wrist. Looking up she could see the tears forming in the broken woman’s eyes. Lena moved close enough to place a hand on Kara’s cheek and gently told her “I will be right back love. I’m going to let the bath fill and then we’ll get you all cleaned up, okay? I’m just going into the bedroom. I’ll be right back I promise.” Kara nodded her head and Lena placed a quick peck to her cheek and left the room.

 

Returning back to the bathroom Lena saw Kara standing there with her hands wrapped around herself shaking. As much as Lena would like to admire the woman standing in front of her now was not the time. She set the clothes on the counter and slowly walked up behind Kara wrapping her hands around her waist and bringing the blonds back to her front, knowing physical touch helps sooth the blond.

 

“It’s okay Kar, I’ve got you.” Lena whispered into her ear. She kissed the girl at the bottom of her neck where it meets her shoulder. Slowly the tension left the blond as she leaned into the brunettes touch.

“I’m going to turn the water off now,” Lena lowered her hands from around Kara’s waist and moved to face Kara who took ahold of Lena’s hand not willing to let go.

 

“I’m right here love and I'm not going anywhere,” Lena squeezed Kara’s hand. “Now let's get you cleaned up.”

 

Lena turned the water off checking the temperature. Feeling that it was warm enough she helped the blond get in. Lena knew from experience that sometime when the blond got very emotional the best thing to do was to distract her so she didn’t cave in on herself.

 

Lena reached around for a cup filling it with water and slowly poured it over Kara’s head. “You know, I didn’t expect the first time I saw your six pack to be like this. “Lena laughed to herself. “I thought I might stumble upon you working out without your shirt on, or I’d catch you stretching and your shirt would lift enough so I could see it.” Lena put some shampoo in her hands and worked it through Kara’s hair gently massaging her scalp. Kara moaned into the touch “Or maybe after I take you out to a nice fancy restaurant and walk under the stars. Then we would go back over to your place because it feels homey,” Lena takes the cup and rinses the soap out of Kara’s hair, “and we would watch your favorite Disney movie Lilo and Stitch. Because I know how much you identify with Stitch.” Once the soap is washed Lena puts conditioner in her hair. “Half way through the move I would glance over at you and you would be staring at me so I would pause the movie. I would look into your eyes, so expressive, and smile. We would make out for a while and when things get heated you would pick me up and take me to bed.”

 

Lena takes her luffa and puts some soap on it and starts gently rubbing circles down Kara’s back. “I know we are not there yet in our relationship but I think we would both like for that to happen at some point, wouldn’t you agree darling?” Lena looks at Kara, whose head hangs low, moving from washing Kara’s back to her left arm when she hears a faint “yes,” come out of the blonds mouth. If Lena was looking at her lip she would have missed it.

 

A small smile finds its way to Lena’s lips. “Do you remember that time you came over a few months back? You came flying in through my balcony with arms full of Chinese food because you just published your first front page article and you wanted to tell me first because I quote “know how to celebrate right.” I still don’t know what you mean by that by the way, because my idea of celebration is red wine at home on the couch and a good book.” Lena moved to the other side of the tube to wash Kara’s right hand. “But it was in that moment that I knew I loved you more than anything I have ever loved in my life. We hadn’t even kissed yet but that’s when I knew.” Lena chuckled to herself remembering “you were _so_ excited to tell me the good news that you tripped over the coffee table and put a Kara sized hole through the wall. I had some trouble explaining that one to the repair man.”

 

Kara smiled a small smile at that memory whispering out “I remember that.” Kara tilted her head up to finally look at Lena. “Was that really what made you fall for me?” She asked shyly.

 

“Yes, that and everything else about you.” Lena took ahold of Kara’s hands in hers and looked deep into her eyes. “Your personality, the way you hold yourself as when you're not being Supergirl,” Kara flinches a little at the word, “your smile, your laugh, your strength, even you clumsiness made me fall even more in love with you Kara. I love how your heart is _so_ big and you care about everyone. Even people you don’t know. It’s what makes you, you Kara Zor-El.” Kara’s eyes start to water and a tear finds its way out but Lena’s hand is there to wipe it away. “There is nothing I don’t or could not love about you.”

 

“Even how I eat?”

 

“Especially how you eat. You look like a little chipmunk with your cheeks puffed out. It’s cute.” Lena laughed and kissed Kara’s cheek then her lips. It was a slow and soft kiss that didn’t last long. “I love you okay? Day or night no matter what.” She kissed her again, “Nothing can stop me from how I feel.”

 

Kara nodded in understanding but still feels like what she need to tell this wonderful woman, would change them. “Can we,” Kara paused collecting her thoughts, “Can we maybe go to the living room or bedroom? I want to talk to you if that's okay?”  

 

“Of course it’s okay love. Would you like me to wait outside while you dry off and change?”

 

“Uuh, yeah if you don’t mind.”

 

“I don’t mind at all Kara. I’ll go and make us some more tea. You come out when you’re ready.” Lena planted one last kiss on Kara’s forehead before standing up and exiting the bathroom, leaving Kara alone, to make them tea.

 

Once the water was done boiling Lena poured two glasses and added Kara’s preferred tea, raspberry, and walked over to the couch setting the blonde’s drink down and taking a sip of her own. Lena wondered what Kara wanted to talk about but couldn’t dwell on it too much because her bedroom door opened revealing a clean Kara in her faded Harvard t-shirt and plaid bottoms.

 

Lena smiled as Kara made her way over to the couch sitting at the end with her back to the arm rest and she took a hold of her tea tasting it. “Thank you for the bath and tea Lee.”  
  
“It was nothing,” Lena waved off turning to face the blond, their feet touching.

 

“It means a lot to me that you did that for me Lena, so thank you.” A small blush creeped up Lena’s neck, knowing that she should just take the complement.

 

“Well now that you’re all clean what is it you wanted to tell me?” Lena took a sip of her tea and stared at the blond.

 

Kara didn’t know where to start, didn’t know what to say. She spent a few good moments with her mouth moving trying to gather the courage to say something, anything. Before the words even came out tears start falling and her cup of tea is out of her hands before she even knew what was happening. Lena places both of their teas on the coffee table and brings Kara’s head to her chest holding her closely whispering soothing sound to calm the broken girl down.

 

“I-, I-” Her attempt at words was cut off by violent sobs that shook the both of them. “I- I couldn’t- save-him.” Another sob broke free. “Lee, I couldn’t do it. A- A- Aden was- right-there- and his mom. Oh, _Rao,_ Lena, his mom,” Kara cried into Lena for so long that her shoulder was wet from tears.

 

Lena rubbed circles on her back until she calmed enough to lean back and tell Lena everything that happened today.

 

“It’s my fault Lee. If I just left when Alex called I would have been able to save him. I’ve never lost anyone before. Never. Not once. And my _stupid_ reporting job kept me from doing what I promised the city I would. Protect them,” The tears started falling again and Lena wiped them away. “I didn’t do my job, I failed as a hero. I failed that little boy Aden and his mother Lena. I did that.” Kara had to take a few deep breaths to keep the tears at bay so she could say the next part. “He was, wearing- m-my symbol, _my_ crest, _”_ Kara took another deep breath before continuing. “His mom said _I_ was his hero, but I didn’t feel like one today. She even thanked me Lena. Who thanks the person who brings back their dying child? Who does that?” Kara started crying again and leaned back into Lena who held her tightly.

 

“I think if I was a mother who had lost a child I would want the chance to say goodbye. You gave that mother the chance to say it. Some parents don’t get to.” Lena kissed the top of Kara’s head and started to rub her back again. “I want to tell you, that you did everything you could but you don’t want to hear that right now. So I will tell you tomorrow and every day that follows you tried your best and did what you could. Until you want to believe that you are still good I will hold you. Right now you should cry your heart out if that's what you want to do. Cry all that anger and guilt and regret out now. Get it all out of your system so you can start again tomorrow.”

 

“But it hurts so much,” Kara choked out against Lena’s shoulder.

 

“I know it does honey, it’s going to hurt for a while. That just means you’re alive.” Lena whispered into her ear.

 

“How do you always know what to say to make me feel better?”

 

  
“Just luck I guess,” Lena kissed her head again.

 

“Will it ever stop?”

 

“The pain?” Kara nodded, “I don’t think it ever does, it just hurts less often.” Lena told her while also thinking about her brother.

 

“Thank you,”

 

“Anytime Kar, anytime.”

 

“I love you,”

 

“I love you too, darling. How about we go to bed, we could both use a good night's rest.” Lena kissed the top of Kara’s head and led the blond to her queen size bed.

 

Climbing into bed and under the coves Kara instantly fell into a dreamless sleep with her love, Lena, completely surrounding her.  

 

**Author's Note:**

> all mistakes are mine hope you enjoyed comments are greatly appreciated 
> 
> hmu on tumblr if u got some hc @ i-am-kantkiss-neverclean


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